she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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