She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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