I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
