A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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