I think I died a long time ago.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
