She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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