Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
