why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
