Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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