if you like me you must not know who I am
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
