the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
