I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
