i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
