Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I am one with the molecules
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
