So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
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Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
whose ass print is on the piano?
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I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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