Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
