I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
