So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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