my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
