I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
