Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
