Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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