She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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