Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
