You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
