fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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