Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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