Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
