Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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