jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
