When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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