The brown eye won't let me do that either.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
