I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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