Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
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The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
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BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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