I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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