I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
