Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
