wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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