Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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