As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
