Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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