Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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