I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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