so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just googled if crying burns calories
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
