god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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