an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
