I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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