dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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