We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
