Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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