Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
