I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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