Your mouth is God's brothel.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
