oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
