Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's blow job season.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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