she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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