two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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