You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
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I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
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Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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