I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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