Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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