he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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