You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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