"it" just moved
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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