we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
