What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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