idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
either way he was missing a nipple.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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