I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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