I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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